My Prayer

It just feels awkward.

This in between transitional phase of living.

Soon, I pray, I will be at peace with the direction my life is taking.  I knew when while homeless and ministering in Colorado that I was supposed to be “full-time ministry” status ever after.

I knew when I moved to Tulsa the Holy Spirit told me to relocate to Oklahoma City.

I knew when I moved to OKC that I was supposed to live by faith and serve in ministry with my family.

I heard VERY clearly when I applied for Sprint, again when I got the job, again when I got the AAA job that I was being “allowed” to work for a time and that ministry was always my “full-time” work.

I knew better than to become distracted by life and money.

Still, I work, full-time, at a wonderful company, earning double my previous salary.

I fell into a career and I knew every step of this way that this was not God’s best for me, this was not His will.

All my life I feel like I’ve failed…family, my children, others, and myself.  Now, I have a respectable career and income, I have ‘most’ of my children back, I think I finally have their respect.

Maybe not though.  I might never be able to earn the kudos of men.  (sorry to disappoint everyone so concerned).

Following the Lord often looks CRAZY to those around us.  At least I had a little pretend ‘normal’ in this phase.

Nonetheless, I am excited to follow Christ at ANY cost…ANY time.

…my prayer…

Send me, Lord!

I walked in your will during my time of homelessness in Colorado Springs for that season of my life. I am out of your will, settled into this career and ‘normal’ family life.  I will give it all up; I will walk away from everything and everyone again if you so desired.  I would rip my beating heart out of my chest and crush it for your greater plan if necessary.

YOUR WILL NOT MY OWN

Wherever this next step leads me, I know myself and my family are safe in your hands through our obedience!

We WILL serve you regardless of cost.  Help my children understand serving your is the POINT of living.

I pray we all serve you together. I pray we are not separated again.  Nevertheless your will be done, Father!

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