Archive for May, 2015

Surfing in Shifting Tide

The title is definitely an accurate portrayal of my mixed thoughts, feelings, and emotions of late.

Sidetrack:  My writing/vocab skills are increasingly declining…and fast!  I need to read more because it helps sharpen my brain. UGH!

Anyhoo…I’ve been back on my RV idea of late.  It’s purely logical.  A giant bi-racial family: one peep with felonies, two peeps with bad credit, three peeps with dogs, four peeps underage, five peeps super loud, six peeps total = no landlord wants us :(  Let’s keep it real.  If Israel had not been locked up when the old man rented me the cheap, shelter-less, appliance-less house we’re in now, I would have been denied.

Ultimately, we continue to seek God’s direction and will do as He directs which may include an ‘invisible’ option but for now…

 

Here are the visible options and their respective pros and cons:

 

1.  Stay where we are

– in the one house that hasn’t been hit YET in our neighborhood

– in a town full of drugs, crawling with creepy meth heads (although to be fair, I have seen these ghoulish people while traveling and living in various places across the nation, these peeps may be everywhere)

– in a neighborhood where the manager of a fast food restaurant across the street was just robbed and stabbed several times

– in a house where we have to find creative ways to cook because when the landlord ‘fixed’ my 1964 built into the wall oven and built into the counter range, gas leaked everywhere (despite his claims the house was safe, I called the gas company and have had the gas to the range and oven shut off)

I haven’t asked the landlord to fix anything since!

– the only upside to this option, the HUGE upside to this: we are already here = no applications = no denials = no hassle of moving

 

2. Move to Israel

–  for many obvious reasons this is a ‘only if God says so,’ (cost, distance from family, hassle of moving a family overseas, language, etc.)

 

3. Move to Colorado

– now this is my favorite! I loved living in Colorado (and weed wasn’t even recreation-ally legal then)

– I can transfer my job

– I can volunteer at my prayer house (EHC)

– beautiful scenery

– it’s a healthier environment and CLEAN

– IT’S NOT OKLAHOMA but it’s not a world away from the fam either

 

4. RV living (far fetched but exciting, my 2nd favorite option)

– no apps, no denials, no landlords

– we own our home :)

– ROADTRIPS

– prayer house ministry trips!

– off the grid capable if we feel so inclined

 

Well, that’s my rant for now LoL. Back to work…more later.

Peace

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My Prayer

It just feels awkward.

This in between transitional phase of living.

Soon, I pray, I will be at peace with the direction my life is taking.  I knew when while homeless and ministering in Colorado that I was supposed to be “full-time ministry” status ever after.

I knew when I moved to Tulsa the Holy Spirit told me to relocate to Oklahoma City.

I knew when I moved to OKC that I was supposed to live by faith and serve in ministry with my family.

I heard VERY clearly when I applied for Sprint, again when I got the job, again when I got the AAA job that I was being “allowed” to work for a time and that ministry was always my “full-time” work.

I knew better than to become distracted by life and money.

Still, I work, full-time, at a wonderful company, earning double my previous salary.

I fell into a career and I knew every step of this way that this was not God’s best for me, this was not His will.

All my life I feel like I’ve failed…family, my children, others, and myself.  Now, I have a respectable career and income, I have ‘most’ of my children back, I think I finally have their respect.

Maybe not though.  I might never be able to earn the kudos of men.  (sorry to disappoint everyone so concerned).

Following the Lord often looks CRAZY to those around us.  At least I had a little pretend ‘normal’ in this phase.

Nonetheless, I am excited to follow Christ at ANY cost…ANY time.

…my prayer…

Send me, Lord!

I walked in your will during my time of homelessness in Colorado Springs for that season of my life. I am out of your will, settled into this career and ‘normal’ family life.  I will give it all up; I will walk away from everything and everyone again if you so desired.  I would rip my beating heart out of my chest and crush it for your greater plan if necessary.

YOUR WILL NOT MY OWN

Wherever this next step leads me, I know myself and my family are safe in your hands through our obedience!

We WILL serve you regardless of cost.  Help my children understand serving your is the POINT of living.

I pray we all serve you together. I pray we are not separated again.  Nevertheless your will be done, Father!

Big Changes Coming

I’ve known for a while change was coming, BIG change…and quickly.

Over the past dozen years or so, I’ve learned not to take a tidbit God gives me and assume ANYTHING! I’ve learned this the hard way, by prematurely jumping to many, sometimes heartbreaking, conclusions.

Having said that, I still jump to conclusion in my mind and simply refrain from allowing my heart to follow. This way, I can satisfy my driving need to connect the dots while refraining from becoming attached to outcomes I’ve pieced together. It may not make much sense to others but this strategy works well for me J

So, I heard God telling me “Israel” back in the summer of 2013 and although I’d never had ANY desire to even visit, I accepted. I assumed that would be our next move. I thought I’d missed the “RV” opportunity he’d also whispered to me in 2013.

BUT NOW…

RV has been coming at me from everywhere and bearing more witness within my spirit. Now this I can REALLY get excited about because I would LOVE IT!!!! I am MADE for road trips; traveling is IN MY BLOOD!

I dutifully ignored the first few ‘signs’ accompanied with fluttering in my heart/spirit that came semi-recently regarding RV life. I know my personality and to avoid getting myself worked up, I know to note yet disregard first ‘signs’ and wait for concrete confirmations which follow if it’s God speaking to me. Like I said, I thought that ship had sailed last year and I effectively missed my opportunity. However, as He loves to do, He has been literally barraging me with confirmations.

Now I’m excited!

I always, ALWAYS said if I won the lotto I would do exactly as He asked. The majority of the money would go STRAIGHT to ministry! What an exciting JOY to be able to live out my calling, finally. Well, I’ve been living out His will mostly anyway but I can’t wait to get to the ‘FUN’ part! I’ve been in training SOOOOOO long LoL

So, I don’t know if I will actually win the lotto. God can make it rain money if He wants. I don’t know how or what will actually happen but I sure hope the RV thing is going down!

And God has been laying the plans for this ministry in my heart since 2008. I have His blueprints drawn in my spirit. I used to shoot straight upright in my bed during the middle of the night hearing his loud voice. I used to cry and pray and pray and cry and ask him “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” At that time he wanted me to cry and pray (intercession). That time period of intercession was grueling at times and left me exhausted but was well worth it. I have never felt so close to Him, so rewarded by His presences and love.

 

Rambles…

At any rate, in any capacity, what a pure pleasure and blessing to serve my King.

Lord, help me to be more like you, Jesus, always!