Archive for March, 2015

A New Day

I am wide awake!

It’s been one year since I moved to Oklahoma City.  When I brought the kids back from North Carolina in January 2014, I felt God leading me to move here but as I often do, I resisted, disobeyed.  Finally, after several supernaturally obvious events pointed glaringly at my defiance, I relented and we moved to OKC.  (Can I just stop and say what a waste of energy, time and money it is to disobey God!!!)  At any rate, we’ve been here a couple weeks over a year.  Time has literally FLOWN by!

I remember when God pressed upon me to move here, I wondered why.  I absolutely disliked the idea because it was farther away from my family and we knew no one, I loathed the unfamiliarity of the idea.  As usually happens when God directs, I could not fathom the reasoning behind the instruction.  I always tell myself I will begin obeying without hesitation like a GOOD soldier, or child even but thus far I have remained stubborn.  I hope I change this because this habit could lead to trouble or even death.

When Israel’s brother was murdered in Tulsa, one possible reason for the move was obvious.

So here we have been for a year.

I have been telling my aunt, in whom I confide nearly everything, God is leading me to move to Israel (the country) AS SOON AS Israel (the husband) gets his ankle monitor off.  Now, blame it on my childhood but I possess this weird capability of literally allowing my self to live in AND operate out of denial without ever reaching awareness that I am, in fact, IN DENIAL.  So here recently when I could no longer shut out His voice in procrastination, I whined to my aunt that I felt God was asking us to move soon.  (Secret: I did this because in my whole life she is normally the one who tells me to NOT act quickly on something, and that maybe God’s timing is YEARS away.  In this instance, I longed for a similar reaction to help soothe my guilty conscience.) However, she replied to my whining that I had been telling her this same thing for over a year.  My mouth dropped, instantly I knew it to be true, yet somehow I had hidden the truth from my heart.  Insane!

So here I sit, just having decided to stop the college work, completely to my disapproval LoL; pondering how this will all play out in such a short amount of time.

I know I need only to seek His face and follow His lead; doing what I know to do instead of what I feel to do is always so difficult!

Lord, thank you for loving me and choosing us as your children, allowing us the honor of having a role to play in your Kingdom; thank you for your will being done in our lives and the lives of our loved ones, family and friends!  Please draw all of us nearer to you, into an intimate relationship of love and obedience and forgive our trespasses against you and others!

And Father, especially please forgive my pride and stubborness, which is the same as witchcraft; forgive me for seeking my own desires and motives in this life…

Let this be a new day for my heart and my will, submitted to my Lord and Savior, Jesus!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.”  – Psalm 51:10

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I Can’t Do It

I thought I could.

 

Lord please show me if I am wrong in my understanding!  But right now, I can’t go around to others and say that I am blessed because my family’s house didn’t get torn in half, devastated.  To me, that statement implies that the people who did lose their houses and belongings, even their lives, were not, in fact, blessed by God.  Who am I to pass such judgement?! No, I just can’t.

 

Another thing I can’t do: complete this degree.  Primarily because my student loan, which I pay faithfully every month with an auto draft, snatched away over $2000 of my tax refund and it pissed me off royally, I enrolled, yet again, in my last four classes.  I’m set to complete this degree THIS semester.  BUT I have both felt and ignored (many times) God urging me to stop being stubborn and adding another attention stealer to the equation that is life.  I just excused my willful disobedience by labeling it harmless OCD/ADHD or a culturally condoned righteous advancement in my education and/or career…and I proceeded.  I feel like I need this degree to be completed because I worked on it for so long, I feel I must have it under my belt for my career with AAA.   HA! Okay.  Pride goeth before the fall, right?

 

I may not know exactly how, when and why but I know it’s a wrap and I am heading out to Israel.  I ask you, Father, to take the money for the rent and take the rest for whatever you want. Hmm…interesting…I had meant to pray over the food.  I only intended to say how I have been worried/depressed of late due to the time crunch before the moving target date.  No, not a problem at all! Pick up how many of us and throw them in? ??!??!!

 

All the underlined part was me typing while falling asleep and I have no CLUE what I was talking about…maybe it’s prophetic? LoL

 

Get ready…

…for now, Goodnite.