Archive for March, 2010

Dreaming…

Upon reading a very well written article concerning vision this afternoon, I felt compelled to analyze my future aspirations.  Interesting.  What do I desire to achieve…what are my goals?  I have decided that in my heart, what I would love to do with my life is help to build a huge empire for God using media, specifically satellite and internet.  Setup kinda like CBN.

People need to remain informed and encouraged.  We need to run with our eyes fixed on the prize right now.  I was just reading how quickly the Lord grew and prospered CBN.  It is nothing short of a miracle, the explosion in the network over the past 50 years.  God is moving rapidly and we had all better be ready to work or move over.  Time is short and we need to be about our Father’s business.  There are people’s lives on the line here.  We’re in a war; it’s time to wake up.

I hope to help awaken folks from slumber with breaking news coverage, inspirational family shows and movies, powerful Spirit led sharing of the gospel…among other things.  When I say I wanna do it all…am I dreaming too big?  Nah!  God is a big God and I’m sticking to His leading all the way to my fairytale ending.  Watch.

TheTruth.24/7.  Advancing Truth Around the Globe.

A beacon, a light on a hill…a lighthouse.  [[thetruth24-7.com]]

Soon as I get a PO Box, it’s mine :)

S0….what are your thoughts?  And what is your God-inspired dream right now?

Dear Future Desi

You know, one reason I feel I can be transparent on this blog…is because not many people read it.  That’s actually a comforting thing right now, as I attempt, again, to transition and move myself in the direction I am led.

I love the futureme.org site because it allow you to write and post-date emails to yourself.  I have received a couple thus far.  What I’ve not had, as of yet, is a positive response upon reading the notes from my former self.  “Have you…[blah, blah, blah]?”  Why no, I haven’t.  “Are you…[yada, yada, yada]?”  As a matter of fact, NO!  Ugh!

Well, future Desi, when, once upon a time, you look back and read all your journals, poems, blogs, etc., you will have peace and joy in reflecting on who you are and from where you came.  Since God uses the foolish things of this world to confound the proud, I’m in a superior position. LoL.  I’m just sayin.

Here’s lookin at you, girl!  To the future…

PS

No matter what, always believe in fairy-tales!

If I Died Today…

Where would I spend eternity?  Unfortunately I have not yet learned how to be faithful.  I wonder if there’s anything or anyone to whom I have ever been loyal.  Certainly not to God.  I look back on the six, yes SIX, short months of devoting my life to the Lord and they were absolutely joyous, wonderful months!  I had such a peace, and love for life and living.  Now, I am back to the muck and mire as a dog returning to it’s vomit.  Ugh!  I have disappointed and disgusted myself again and I sit here contemplating how people muster the strength to begin again…and again, over and over.  An addict who falls off course at every bump surely has not the courage to continue climbing back up the wagon.  Additionally, after believing the best then being disappointed numerous times, the family and friends of such people come to lose all faith and see the fallen as forever destined to remain weak and hopeless.  It is extremely difficult not to adopt this perspective of oneself.  This is precisely how I feel.  How can I start over?!  I’ve learned enough, though, to know…feelings aren’t facts.

Satan desires that I never get up again, that I cannot lift my head and believe once more.  He longs for me to believe the lie thereby remaining in the dark, desolate, in despair.  Then, you see, his work is not in vain, his mission would be accomplished.  If I lie still and play dead until my spirit, soul, and body follow, then I can bring God no glory.  I can help no-one if I focus on my own tragedy, my own pain.  I cannot effectively reach out in love to others if I stay chained down and entangled in the snares of the enemy.  Will my life be in vain, a waste. There is nothing more tragic than a life discarded due to false pretenses.  I will not accept the lie.  I will find strength, God’s strength to rise up again.  My pride be damned, I screwed up and I’m all dirty, smelly and nasty yet I will lift my eyes unto my Savior and stand up trusting that  He will clean me and make me white as snow…again.

Yes, it takes much strength to get up and get out of a mess, but it takes more still to remain in a meaningless existence.  Filling my belly on deception which the devil is faithful to feed me is beyond burdensome, it is impossible…for me.  I cannot live and allow my soul and spirit to die.  I cannot survive in a lie.  Thank God He made a way for me to come back, seven times seventy times I can return to Him and receive open arms.  I feel His love wrap around me as I look up to the cross, to the blood of Jesus.  These are feelings I can trust.  This is a truth I can build my life around, the redemption of my sinful self through God’s precious sacrifice, through His Son.  This is love, this is God.  GOD IS LOVE!

I’m convinced that people who curse God just have not been exposed to His overwhelming, peaceful, loving presence.  Anyone who has experienced Him, has experienced the greatest joy and fulfillment in life.  Yes, we can be deceived, fall away, and forget by believing lies, but God, through His Comforter, His Holy Spirit, will remind us and lead us back again to safety and truth.

Thank you, God…Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!  Thank you for never giving up on me!  I could never earn or deserve such mercy and forgiveness…and that is exactly why I can accept the gift of salvation! Praise God!

Though I have been horribly unfaithful,

“Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” ~ Lamentations 3:23

“A new day will dawn on us from above because our God is loving and merciful.  He will give light to those who live in the dark and in death’s shadow. He will guide us into the way of peace.” ~ Luke 1:78,79

BONUS:

Immediately as I’d finished this post, (apparently the date on my camera needs to be adjusted), I looked over to the table beside my chair and discovered this box.

Upon opening it I found an old ring of mine that has the word “STRENGTH” written on it!  It turns out my daughter had found it in a box and placed it on the table recently.  God and His mysterious, beautiful ways!  He is truly the lover of my soul!

Mama’s Song

I wrote this sonnet for a Comp II assignment recently and decided to post it on my blog in honor of her birthday.

For my mother, Renee Joan Laughon (3.17.58 – 4.28.08)  Happy Birthday, I love you!

Mama’s Song

She taught me love, she taught me right from wrong

To tie my shoes, to hold my head up high

No softness stopped her teaching me, be strong

And when she died they did not see me cry

I live here in the house I found her dead

And all the time here in my heart she lies

I drive her car and walk the path she tread

There was not even time for our goodbyes

I look outside the window to her trees

I see her still standing in the yard

My heart still breaks, my mind does not believe

To hug a memory is very hard

She waits and I must say I long to go

And hold her once again, I love her so

Desiree Dawn

3/3/10

To Drop or Not to Drop (That is the Question)

I’m thinking graduation is overrated! Who needs an associates degree?!

For the fourth time, at least, I am failing College Algebra.  I can continue and pray to God I get a ‘C’ at the end of the semester.  I can drop it and forget about graduating.  I can drop it and take Intermediate Algebra for the second 8 weeks of the semester and retake College Algebra or Math for Critical Thinking in the summer.  UGH!  I don’t know.  Money and time wasted and spent in vain!  I’ve never heard of a journalist using Algebra in his work!

This is me, ranting.  I studied so hard that I dreamed of polynomial factorization.  And then I made a 42% on my exam.  I already had a D in the class…so…

Will I graduate?  That’s the real question.