Archive for January, 2009

Not So Rosy

ChildI’ve been recovering from a nasty cold all week, so you can imagine my joy upon awaking to rowdy boys at 6 AM.  Oh yeah.  Then to make matters worse my daughter gets up and screams and cries all morning.  UGH!  I don’t know if I had any patience at all when I woke up; I certainly didn’t have any by the time my aunt arrived around 7:30 to take the kids to their basketball and cheerleading.  I had already given at least two or three spankings to my daughter who continuously refused to eat and get ready.  My aunt, so loving and gentle, said she would take over for me.  (An attempt to keep me from yellling.)  How’d that work?!  The kids didn’t respond well to her soft persuation either and when they finally walked out of the house it was a few minutes after 8.  The pictures began at the church at 8.  Nice.

It was my fault for not staying up at  6 when the boys initially woke me up.  I could have laid out their uniforms, socks, shoes, etc.  Okay, I admit that.  But the uniforms were located easy enough and still the kids took their own sweet time playing, screaming, eating, playing, dressing, screaming, playing, brushing teeth, screaming, playing.  (Now you’ve got the picture.)  A person can only take so much and I believe my aunt coming this morning was a Godsend!  I literally had tears in my eyes from frustration.  Thank God she was here to take them.  Now, I’m sitting here thinking how the morning should have transpired, but really I’m too tired to analyze the situation. 

These are the moments I look to heaven and wonder how I can do this.  Usually, it’s evening or bedtime and I go to sleep and wake up refreshed.  In this case, the beginning of the day was overwhelming and sleep is not an option.  Sometimes, I feel it’s all too much to bear.  I know my feeling sick is contributing to this perspective, but understanding does not always lead to better perception.  I’m tired of my children, despite my best, consistant efforts, showing disrespect and disobedience.  I’m tired of the boys breaking, destroying, and roughly handling everything and everybody.  I’m tired of my daughter crying.  I’m just tired.

I thought about getting ready and going to the church to watch them play.  (This is an every Saturday event for two months.)  Then, I thought I could just relax and wait for her to bring them back.  No matter, my daughter forgot her pom-poms and I need to take them to her.  Today is picture day and it just wouldn’t look the same without pom-poms.  So, here I go for round two…

Lord, I pray you will give me peace, understanding, wisdom, and discernment to handle the children with love, even when I am so overwhelmed and upset that I don’t feel like praying or asking for help.  I pray you would help me see these children as the blessings they truly are and not the animals they act like sometimes.  I pray you give them peace and a quiet, gentle spirit.  For that matter, I pray for a quiet, gentle spirit!

Without you I am nothing, and can do nothing of value.  I need you so bad in these moments when I feel I cannot hold up under pressure.  You are my foundation, my Rock, my Jehovah Jireh, and I thank you that you are always working in every detail of our lives.  I put my faith, hope, trust in you Lord and I commit this day to your will.

Thank you for always being faithful and good.  Thank you for your ever-increasing mercy.  Thank you for loving me first. 

Amen.

Okay, much better.  Here is the end of the day and it turned out wonderful because my aunt decided to take all the kids back to her house for the day and evening.  I got a much needed break which restored my sanity.  My aunt took them out hiking and exploring the country surrounding her house and wore them out for me.  I had much more patience with the kids upon their return.  :)  Thank you Amikee!

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Trip Update, etc :)

This summer, I’m going to The Gambia, West Africa, with a group that focuses on missions trips serving Muslim people.  The same organization that was initially planning the trip to Egypt.

Seriously though, she said she would let me get my hands dirty!  I will be giving shots.  At least I will be getting valuable experience working with patients and understanding what diseases and illnesses they are dealing with.  And I might be the only student at school this fall with hands on experience in some areas.  Who knows?

On another note, I turned in my nursing application awhile back and I’m just believing God for favor!  I will find out the first week of Feb.  That gonna be a great week!  Taxes and nursing school acceptance letter :)  I’m praying about paying for my trip in full before I go.  Honestly, I intensely dislike the generating support aspect. 

My stomach was in knots when I kept believing for the Dominican Republic and the deadline passed, airline tickets passed and it looked hopeless….and then BAM, there was $800 from an anonymous donor.  I quickly begged and gathered up the few other hundred due, booked my own airfare….the rest is history.  The trip forever cemented missions in my heart.  I was passionate and sure of my call before, but when I stepped on foreign soil, it hurt to come back.  And the ache still drives me to accomplish school and go

To Africa…finally.  And to North Carolina.  That’s always a fun drive with the kids.  Across the country, through the mountains…here we come, Sis!

Friendship: When to Hold Tight, When to Cut Loose

friends1So, I had a friend ask some questions the other evening concerning friendship.  It’s like we feel guilty when we realize a relationship is not productive, for either party involved; and feel even worse when we want out.  All I can say is,

 “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” ~ II Cor 15:33

and

“I’ve faced dangers in the city, in the open country, on the sea, and from believers who turned out to be false friends.” ~ II Cor 11:26    ~Paul understood

Honestly, if no one is receiving edification or enjoyment out of your time spent together, or if one or both people leave with a negative aftertaste or in a worse mood…then why would either of you wish to continue on?

Some people change and move in different directions.  Sometimes, a person will begin to reveal her true self only after she feels comfortable in a relationship.  Maybe she has some issues.  Are you in a position to speak positive influence in her life and pray it for her as well?  Great, then mentor her.  If not, or if you feel stressed about it and no peace, stop.  It’s not worth your time, effort, and energy.  Let God be God, cut it loose, and He’ll find her help and you another, godly friend(s).  People are stonger than we give them credit for.  Humans are resiliant, they bounce back and adapt easily.

This seems to be an issue with many people now days.  I even had a brief separation from a good friend of mine for a period of 5 or 6 months.  I think we did a good job in communicating effectively and maturely.  The Holy Spirit had been preparing us, I think.  Anyway, when we came back together half a year later, God had worked on many things in both of our characters during the separation.  Things that we could not have dealt with effectively if we were friends.  (An example:  when one friend intends to stop smoking but can’t because his friends smoke, etc.)

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

As God would have it, we remain best friends to this day.  I’m glad we handled things with communication and maturity.

I pray you have peace, joy, happiness, and mutual respect in all your relationships!