Maybe a chill down the spine,

An overwhelming sickness rising from the well within my soul

A knowing

Truths that seek to tear and torture

Rushing in despite my best efforts

To barricade all emotion

To numb the fiery flame

An excruciating ache

The familiar symphony

Of pain and regret….

Not even my own, but inherited

Oh, God, show me the way out of this dark place

What have I done

Oh, my God!

Please, can you take me back to the start…

Tomorrow I will quit

Tomorrow I’ll work out

Tomorrow I’ll leave him

The problem with tomorrow

You can never tell

Where exactly today ends

And tomorrow officially begins

until tomorrow,

desi

And I’m soooo happy to finally get a minute to blog.

My life has changed dramatically!   :)~  By God’s mercy and grace I am, again, living my dream.  Each day I walk in light and love and I understand more about God’s heart towards me.  I knew He loved me…but…  Did you know the Bible says He loves us as much as He loves Jesus and that Jesus loves us as much as He loves the Father?!  If that’s not earth shattering Breaking NEWS, I don’t know what is! (John 15:9, 17:23)

I am beginning my last (no, seriously) LAST semester at TCC, finishing up my associates in Psychology.  Whew!  Yes, I’m taking College Algebra again and YES I NEED YOUR PRAYERS :)  Also taking Adolescent Psychology and Human Relations II.  YAY!  Almost done!  Then I am planning on moving to Kansas City, MO., to attend a six-month internship at IHOP (International House of Prayer).  I felt His leading to do this a year ago but fell back into carnal living for a season (as a dog returning to it’s vomit).  Yeah, it may not be a pleasant verse but it’s true.

I am grateful to be back among the land of the living and loving and thriving in Christ!  I am so thankful for God plucking me out of the fire.  He has shaped, molded and created us specifically how He desired and all for His pleasure and purpose.  Praise God!!!  I am currently on about session #19, Song of Songs teaching by Mike Bickle, and each day I fall more in love with my Maker!  {I feel like if I would have only caught revelation of His overwhelming and all consuming love before I would have lived so differently.  Alas, I know now…after I laid everything on the altar and made up my mind to serve Him with everything I have and all I am.  So…here I am Lord.}  I can honestly say that to worship and dwell with Him forever is the best hope in the world…in which we get to partake!

I’m soooo tired….today truly has been a LONG day and I need sleep!  I just wanted to write an update and blog about a few changes in my life.

• My good friend, Danielle, is now my right-hand girl in life and ministry!  I am so appreciative that God has joined us together as a team.  She’s like a nanny/personal assistant/housekeeper.  She is whatever I need at the moment and has such a servant’s heart.  God is awesome!  (And so is Danielle :)  She plans to remain serving at my side as we begin this ministry God’s placed on my heart.  We know that as she serves and transitions, in His perfect timing, into her area of ministry, that she’ll have acquired valuable wisdom, experience and divine connections while remaining obedient and faithful for this season.

• The Lord has given a green light on incorporating and applying for 501(c)(3) status from the IRS.  At the same time He continues to bring along side us people who are dedicated to intercessory prayer.  He is fully in charge of this organization and I’m sooooo excited to see what He has in mind/store.

• My husband…is still (only) Jesus for the time being.  I am ecstatic that He is so thrilled about me and delights in every detail!  To be honest, I don’t know how any man will ever measure up to this romance!  I almost pity him…LoL  I am absolutely telling the truth when I grin and say that I am perfectly content to be single until God allows my husband to find me.

Well, that’s enough for now.  Just an update.  Life’s been so busy since I’m working alot, seeing patients; saving money for IHOP.

God is AWESOME!  And if you need prayer or encouragement (cuz life is SERIOUSLY difficult sometimes) Please send me a note and I’d love to pray or talk w/ ya :)

God bless,

~desi

PS

Bout to start in on the nutrition aspect of life…can’t wait to get fit!!!

“One of the first tasks we are asked to do in the course is to write a “nourishment list” of everything that brings us joy, and to indicate which ones we could see ourselves doing in everyday life. I’ll put a * next to those activities.”

I read this on a blog entitled, This Mama’s Dharma. mamadharma.net

I thought this would really be a fun assignment!  I’m writing my list before I finish reading hers so as not to spoil my original ideas.

Things that bring me joy…

1. water (ponds, lakes, fountains, etc.)
2. watching the kids blow bubbles
3. a clean house*
4. cooking dinner*
5. reading the Bible *
6. watching the kids sleep*
7. the feeling of when I first crawl into bed*
8. a good conversation*
9. smiling*
10. praying*
11. traveling
12. singing*
13. photography
14. writing poetry*
15. accomplishment
16. Africa
17. butterflies
18. fishing
19. peace & quiet*
20. gazing at the stars
21. Sunday mornings service
22. babies
23. serving others*
24. hugs*
25. activities with kids*
26. ice cream cones
27. riding horses
28. being on time*
29. adventure
30. Jesus**

Just writing this blog brought me joy :)

Thanks ‘Mama’ for the idea!

Lately I’ve been yelling at my kids less and opening my eyes, ears, and heart more.

Lately I’ve realized relationships matter more than my schedule.

Lately I’ve been thinking of changing some things.

Lately I’ve been wondering if being single is really so bad.

Lately I’ve discovered who my true friends are.

Lately I’ve found motivation.

Lately I’ve run out of excuses.

Lately I have squared my shoulders and faced the facts.

Lately I’ve been changing.

Lately I asked myself if he’s really the one.

Lately I’ve questioned many of my beliefs.

Lately I’ve fallen in love with living.

Lately I’ve learned to take advantage of every opportunity.

Lately I’ve reset the boundaries.

Lately I have cried.

Lately I’ve been overwhelmed but haven’t felt it.

Lately I haven’t slept much.

Lately when I do sleep, I sleep well.

Lately I’ve been having strange dreams.

Lately I’ve grown.

Lately I’ve become a stronger woman.

Lately I’m re-evaluating past relationships.

Lately I’ve worked on forgiving others.

Lately I’ve been thankful for God’s grace and extended it.

Lately I’m learning to accept and appreciate my body ~ at any size.

Lately I have been offended less and understanding more.

Lately I have asked for forgiveness.

Lately I’ve cleaned.

Lately I’ve cooked.

Lately I’ve danced.

Lately I’ve persevered.

Lately I’ve loved.

Lately I’ve been sad.

Lately I feel alone.

Lately I’ve asked for peace that passes all understanding.

Lately I’ve made mistakes.

Lately I’ve fallen.

Lately I’ve risen out of the ashes.

Lately I had lunch with Dad.

Lately I’ve acknowledged the little girl inside.

Lately I’ve moved on with my life.

Lately I’ve prayed.

Lately I’ve thanked God.

It’s late…I’m to bed.

Anyway, with all this information at your fingertips, I’m just curious…what’s on your mind right now?

My middle name is Dawn.  A few meanings I’ve found include:  the first appearance of light, daybreak, and…the beginning.  Aha!  There it is.  By the way, Desiree is French, meaning so long hoped for, and Graham is the gray house or gravelly place.  So, in essence my full name means:  a so long hoped for new beginning for a gray,rocky place.  Is that a fair translation?  That is who I am.  In my life, in the lives of my children, and in my family line.

See, my family had been riddled for many generations with generational garbage that was never thrown out.  Curses, entanglements, bondage and ungodly soul ties afflicted and affected much of my family for our entire history.  That stops during my generation.  Instead, the family line, henceforth, will be known as loyal, kind, and merciful.  Lord, help these words come to pass.

My earliest roots are in the original Vikings :)  How exciting is that?!  Fighter…yeah, have you seen my newborn pic?!  LoL.  We knew I was a fighter, since birth!  Moma probably knew even sooner!

Additionally, my lineage may include great dukes and barons, possibly the Dukes of Normandy, and royalty. William de Graham who served King David I and the Great Marquis, religious leader, poet, the most distinguished soldier of his time, (martyred in 1650).  The research of my ancestors on the paternal side proved extremely interesting.  Many nobles and ties to royalty are obvious in the family tree.  Bravery and loyalty run strong in my ancestors’ blood.

So, having said all this…4/10/2010 marked the new beginning for me.  I’d had enough already.

God is so good!  I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning :)  So, here’s to new beginnings!

More later, I’m falling asleep :)

http://www.babynamespedia.com/meaning

http://www.clan-graham-society.org/new_page_18.htm

Just me :)  But seriously, we are not all supposed to pack up and move overseas to live a new and strange life.  We shouldn’t all go to Africa but we should all GO!  The Great Commission is clear…now YOU go!

Who’s important in this equation?  Me?  My wants, desires, or excuses?  The people around me and their opinions?  No, of course not.  Jesus!  The Son of the one true, living God; the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  It’s all about Him and helping others to know of His great love for us!

What?

Go and do what?  {Matt 28:16-20}  1) salvation of the lost   2) baptism of the found   3) teach them to obey

Where?

Go to school, to work, to the gym, the grocery store or nail salon.  Just go…and tell the world about the love you’ve found in Jesus!  Or have you?  Do you know His overwhelming, unconditional love?  Have you been bathed in the warmth, joy, peace, and love of Christ?  If not, please take a moment to ask God to show you the truth about His Son!  He’s just been waiting for your open mind :)

Why?

Because how can we keep silent about a gift so invaluable.  If you won $10 million would you tell anyone?  Sure!  As soon as you could hit the “send” button on your cell phone.  The sacrifice, the blood of Jesus, and the resulting opportunity for relationship with God are absolutely priceless!  Are you excited about how you have been set free, healed, and delivered?  Then let’s go and spread the news, His love compelling us…

When?

N O W!  There’s no time like the present.  Especially since it’s the only time we’re guaranteed :)  The information and relationship we have could be exactly what the next person needs to move forward in life.  We don’t know what’s truly going on inside others lives but God does and He strongly desires to help. Let’s tell the world about the love of God and let’s begin this very moment!  Furthermore, let’s continue with fire and passion until the day He returns!

May God richly bless you!

Upon reading a very well written article concerning vision this afternoon, I felt compelled to analyze my future aspirations.  Interesting.  What do I desire to achieve…what are my goals?  I have decided that in my heart, what I would love to do with my life is help to build a huge empire for God using media, specifically satellite and internet.  Setup kinda like CBN.

People need to remain informed and encouraged.  We need to run with our eyes fixed on the prize right now.  I was just reading how quickly the Lord grew and prospered CBN.  It is nothing short of a miracle, the explosion in the network over the past 50 years.  God is moving rapidly and we had all better be ready to work or move over.  Time is short and we need to be about our Father’s business.  There are people’s lives on the line here.  We’re in a war; it’s time to wake up.

I hope to help awaken folks from slumber with breaking news coverage, inspirational family shows and movies, powerful Spirit led sharing of the gospel…among other things.  When I say I wanna do it all…am I dreaming too big?  Nah!  God is a big God and I’m sticking to His leading all the way to my fairytale ending.  Watch.

TheTruth.24/7.  Advancing Truth Around the Globe.

A beacon, a light on a hill…a lighthouse.  [[thetruth24-7.com]]

Soon as I get a PO Box, it’s mine :)

S0….what are your thoughts?  And what is your God-inspired dream right now?

I love the futureme.org site because it allow you to write and post-date emails to yourself.  I have received a couple thus far.  What I’ve not had, as of yet, is a positive response upon reading the notes from my former self.  “Have you…[blah, blah, blah]?”  Why no, I haven’t.  “Are you…[yada, yada, yada]?”  As a matter of fact, NO!  Ugh!

Well, future Desi, when, once upon a time, you look back and read all your journals, poems, blogs, etc., you will have peace and joy in reflecting on who you are and from where you came.  Since God uses the foolish things of this world to confound the proud, I’m in a superior position. LoL.  I’m just sayin.

Here’s lookin at you, girl!  To the future…

PS

No matter what, always believe in fairy-tales!