Archive for Crossing Jordan
Entering Jordan
(I began this post June 27, 2009)
After dipping my toes in and dangling my feet over the edge and into the water for years, I now feel I’m in over my head. In reality, I know that I am just getting my feet wet. I have entered into the river and so I am relieved, excited, hopeful and frightened all at once. At the risk of overgeneralization, I would like to expound.
May 25, 2009 was truly a Memorial Day for me. I became extremely agitated and overwhelmed, frustrated and disgusted with the confusion and chaos shrouding my mind and slowly destroying my life that finally, out of righteous anger, I declared myself free from any and all residual strongholds and entaglements that had managed, thus far, to linger on inside my soul. (Whew! ~ That was most likely a HUGE run-on, but I’m just sayin…!) I put my tongue to work that night and declared my destiny, though I had no idea, really, what I had done. I thought I was only venting…I should have known better. I was absolutely furious! I yelled and told the devil just what I thought of him and exactly what I would no longer tolerate. I stomped my feet and pounded my fist on the table that night as I shouted, and…I MEANT EVERY WORD!
*** continued writing 10/5/09 ***
July 31, 2009 was Day 1. I began my new life. At long last, a life of true freedom. Later, the wisdom and insight of a good friend connected the two dates together and revealed to me that it was my earlier declaration which had truly freed me. Thank you, Jesus! How does it feel to be free? It feels exhilarating and exciting and empowering! The Holy Spirit whispered to me…”Purity = Power.” Yes it does!
It is only by the grace of God that I am able to maintain my purity. Of course, I am not perfect and when I begin to stumble He is always there to catch me and keep me from falling. There have been moments I felt enticed to compromise or throw away my integrity and purity…I had to cling to Jesus and, like Joseph, FLEE from the temptation. And there have also been a couple times when I attempted to abandon my reason and fling aside God’s guidance in order to pursue my fleshly desire. This is precisely where His saving grace comes onto the scene! Thank you, Lord, that you saved me from myself before I could ruin the good work you are continuing in me! He is always, always faithful!
Now, these things I’m referring to…the temptations and enticements…they aren’t really big anymore. The enemy can’t come at me with major things as much as he could before. They were mostly tiny, small, seemingly inconspicous things that some may have not taken the time to even think twice about. This is exactly where the devil does his crafty work, in the minute details. His favorite line is, “It doesn’t matter; it’s no big deal.” HA ~ LIAR! Don’t fall for his cheap lies. He wants to get you to compromise with the small things so you will slowly numb your conscience and not care when it comes time to swallow his bigger schemes. Plus he’d like to keep your family in bondage for each time you choose compromise. How about that?! He doesn’t play fair; he’ll pick on your kids if you don’t bite his bait.
Anyway, enough about our defeated foe. Back to God! He is so glorious…so faithful! Everyday is a new gift straight from God. I choose to use my time wisely, serving Him by loving and serving others. Each day I choose to stand firm is another chord added to the overall strength in my belt of truth. The joy of the Lord is my strength! And oh! I thank Him for the joy within me that enables me to continue on in love and truth, pursuing His will for my life.
I have successfully entered the Jordan! “Fear not!” But I forgot to be afraid because I’m in love with my Savior and my eyes are fixed on Him alone! I will come out on the other side! I will also come out a much stronger woman of God, by His grace and mercy!
There has been so much happening in my life these past several months, I can’t touch on all of it here. In a nutshell: #1 didn’t go to The Gambia, didn’t raise the $, still owe $2000 for the ticket, which I can use in the future :( #2 dropped everything! school, boyfriend, dreams, plans, desires, etc. at the request of the Lord (some of these things I honestly felt I was doing because they were God’s will for me), nope!, He realigned EVERYTHING #3 He did a miraculous healing and restoration in me! It was really a supernatural experience! #4 He replaced my desires and godly ambitions with His desires for me, for example, I was not an intercessor! but now it’s my passion! #5 In the midst of everything, I received a very interesting 3 AM phone call which I will discuss more in depth in the future. Suffice it to say that those things we put on the shelf because they didn’t seem to happen as God said they would…they will come off of the shelf in God’s perfect time, much to our amazement!
To bring things into the real world. I’ve recently also left my job and stepped out into full time ministry. (Watching the faithfulness of God and Him providing for our every need is incredible!) My good friend and fellow VWMTC graduate, Krystal, and I are beginning a new ministry, Chapter 8 Ministries, and working on opening a 24/7 prayer room in Tulsa called ‘The Upper Room.’ Also, the Lord has been impressing upon me to write and record in my solitude. There are actually many projects He has given me, along with other people, and this is just an extremely exciting and interesting time in my life! I am definitely enjoying the journey!!!
I don’t know how this will sound. I wonder if I’ve rambled. At any rate, there it is…the truth. And to God alone be all the glory and honor!
Until next time…may His grace and peace be unto you and yours!
Friendship: When to Hold Tight, When to Cut Loose
So, I had a friend ask some questions the other evening concerning friendship. It’s like we feel guilty when we realize a relationship is not productive, for either party involved; and feel even worse when we want out. All I can say is,
“Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” ~ II Cor 15:33
and
“I’ve faced dangers in the city, in the open country, on the sea, and from believers who turned out to be false friends.” ~ II Cor 11:26 ~Paul understood
Honestly, if no one is receiving edification or enjoyment out of your time spent together, or if one or both people leave with a negative aftertaste or in a worse mood…then why would either of you wish to continue on?
Some people change and move in different directions. Sometimes, a person will begin to reveal her true self only after she feels comfortable in a relationship. Maybe she has some issues. Are you in a position to speak positive influence in her life and pray it for her as well? Great, then mentor her. If not, or if you feel stressed about it and no peace, stop. It’s not worth your time, effort, and energy. Let God be God, cut it loose, and He’ll find her help and you another, godly friend(s). People are stonger than we give them credit for. Humans are resiliant, they bounce back and adapt easily.
This seems to be an issue with many people now days. I even had a brief separation from a good friend of mine for a period of 5 or 6 months. I think we did a good job in communicating effectively and maturely. The Holy Spirit had been preparing us, I think. Anyway, when we came back together half a year later, God had worked on many things in both of our characters during the separation. Things that we could not have dealt with effectively if we were friends. (An example: when one friend intends to stop smoking but can’t because his friends smoke, etc.)
“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
As God would have it, we remain best friends to this day. I’m glad we handled things with communication and maturity.
I pray you have peace, joy, happiness, and mutual respect in all your relationships!
A Rambling
WARNING: The following writing contains fragments of thoughts which may not display suitable coherency for A type personalities or linear thinkers.
Having said that…
I’m 99% sure I will begin clinical nursing school in August! There’s no way I can describe my feelings when I first realized there was actually a chance I could begin the program in the fall. I am putting the final touches on the application, etc. I take my NET (Nurse Entrance Test) on Jan. 3, so pray for me! LoL I’m actually going to buy the study guide, so…. Also, I have to get another TB test ~yippee! Gotta love those needles.
Even now, I’m overwhelmed when I imagine the end of this journey. (The end of the second leg of this journey :) <<<<The end of the first leg was graduating from Victory Bible Institute/Victory World Missions Training Center….in 2007>>>>> The third leg is obtaining my pilot license, possibly also a degree in aviation maintanence….but that’s a long time in school again so I’d rather God just supply me with a husband who has both already :) Either way, I know I’m supposed to get at least a pilot’s license. AND THE FOURTH LEG IS R E L O C A T I N G to Africa!
My mind, as usual, is all over the place. (Nevermind that I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.) First, I wonder, how long before we move to Africa? How long will I work as an RN here in the states? Should I go on to get my BSN? When should I begin training for my pilot’s license, and which program should I pursue? UGH!!!
~ ~ ~ s L o W D o w N b R a I n ~ ~ ~
Okay, so anyway, I’ve learned not to make a whole bunch of plans because they usually get all messed up by the Holy Spirit. LoL I’m still not sure why this knowledge doesn’t deter me. Even now, I’m working out the answers to the aforementioned questions in my head. Does it stop?! Men don’t seem to have this problem as much, it seems. I want very much to go relax in my ‘nothing box.’ (Gotta see the series by Mark Gungor to understand that one)
In the end, I have to give the credit to God because despite my best efforts to (unwittingly) thwart, or further delay, His plans for me, they are coming to pass. Thank God for that!
Okay, I give up! This is painful. Nite :)
One more thing though, before I go. I don’t know if I mentioned previously or not about my trip to Africa next year. I had made it a point after mom died to not look for any trips, but instead, to consider and pray about opportunities that presented themselves to me. I had several possibilities that I seriously considered, including: South Africa next Sept. with Thrive Africa, Greece in July with school, and back to the Dominican Republic in March with Victory Christian Center. Although the desire was present to participate in all of these trips, I had no peace.
Finally, I believe I have found the trip that is right for me. A medical trip to Egypt, North Africa, towards the end of July/beginning of August. This trip includes the basics of what God has placed on my heart which is ministering through medicine to Muslims in North Africa. So far I have peace, and the dates seem like they will coincide perfectly between the end of my summer semester and beginning of nursing school. I hope this is the one!
More to come…
Going on 30…Preparation for the Crossing
One of my favorite movies is 13 Going on 30. It occurred to me out of the blue one day that I am not getting younger. (At the time this thought smacked me upside my head I was a month or two shy of 29.) I have been living fast all my life and I think it’s finally time to slow down and breathe.
Maybe Moma’s unexpected passing finally snapped something inside of me but I cannot remain the same. I must make this the year of the butterfly. I need to go into my cocoon and sweat; sweat out impurities, sweat out baggage, sweat out the past, regrets and just plain sweat physically as I get myself in shape. Then re-emerge as the magnificent, beautiful creation God intended I would become.
I figure if I don’t get myself in order this year then I may never get it together. I want to be “thirty, flirty and thriving!” Maybe a little less flirty…LoL. Anyhoo, this should be an interesting journey :)
To ABUNDANT LIFE!
