“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” ~ Hebrews 12:1

Many months ago I had a woman speak into my life many prophetic words, which included a couple of things from my mother, who passed on in April 2008.  I wasn’t sure how to respond to this as I felt it violated my ’religion’….hahaha.  Seriously.  But as this woman nonchalantly delivered her last prophetic word to me, and the second one from Mom, I immediately began to weep. 

The saying was one which Moma had often repeated to me, jokingly.  Nobody could have known about it, and the comment was something this woman had never said before, or so she told me afterward.  So I began to reexamine Mom’s first message to me.  “RUN!”  The woman said it emphatically, with such urgency and determination.  “RUN!”  It seemed almost alarming!  Until today in church, I never made the mental connection between the above Bible verse and my mom’s word for me.  Now, I finally understand.  My mother, now part of the great cloud of witnesses cheering me on, was telling me to run!  Run my race with perseverance.  Wow…

Pastor Sharon Daugherty preached this morning’s sermon.  She showed “The Harvest” video and as I watched I shook my head, saddened at the ironic similarity between fact and fiction.  This was Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty’s favorite movie.  The Harvest!  Oh, God, the great harvest!!  Help me to do all I can to help your kingdom!  That is all I live for and truly desire.

“Open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.” ~ John 4:35

This was the verse Pastor’s family found on his table when they returned from the hospital.  The Harvest.  Pray. Give. Go.  Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord!  How can my response be anything less?  When I think about what you’ve given me, what you’ve done for me, what you’ve sacrificed for ME!  Yes, Lord, with ALL that I am and all that I have to offer, YES!

It’s so late/early and I’m actually falling asleep, but there are so many things I’d like to share.  My life is so different now from what it has ever been before.  I am so blessed by God Almighty to live in His will for my life and seek His face and Kingdom first, everything else is being added, indeed!  He is so good, so merciful, so loving and kind.  I cannot imagine serving the God I thought I knew before, the one who looked to criticize, waited to watch and scold me when I stumbled off course.  This is a strange God.  This God is like none other.  He is personal and sweet yet firm and uplifting in a non-threatening, parental kind of way.  He is everything.  The Great I AM!  And I… am His.

Today is our 4 month anniversary.  I am thankful for His grace and mercy which allow me to celebrate that He alone has held my love and affection, adoration, for these past several months.  Truly, for the first time in my life, I am free.  I am free.  I am so free.  I cannot write this without the tears of gratitude and overwhelming love welling up in my eyes.  Alas, I have never tasted this life unchained before and it is more wonderful, more beautiful, more sweet than I ever could have imagined.  Thank you, my King, lover of my soul, precious Jesus, El Shaddai, Holy Spirit.  Thank you…and Happy Anniversary God! 

This might be the part where I look down at my feet and ponder your thoughts on the subject.  4 months…is that ALL?!  How long has she been a Christian?  Wasn’t she a leader in the church?  What had she withheld from Him all this time?  What sin was she hiding?  I’d be lying if I said such things didn’t cross my mind but ultimately, I’ll do me and allow you to do you :)  Fair enough?

I will take my 4 months by God’s grace and wear it proudly for all the world to see that I am in love with my Savior and my Lord, my one, true God!  I have never had such joy and peace and utter satisfaction to be exactly where I am at every moment of every day.  I am led by my shepherd and I know His voice, I will never again follow a stranger’s.  …But not by my might, only by His grace.  Always by His grace.

Moving on…today is Nov. 30th.  Tomorrow is the 3 months mark since I last talked with Francis.  I anticipate his call with bittersweet feelings.  Things will change no matter what the conversation holds.  My trust is in God to guide us along His intended path and perfect will for our individual lives.  If God’s will is that our paths unite, so be it.  If not, so be it.  But I still await his call somewhat nervously.  I am prepared for either outcome, I believe.  I know I heard/saw clearly several times back in 2006/2007, and even in recent times, that Francis was the one for me but I wasn’t close to ready.  I was a totally different person than I am today.  Wow…LoL.  I would’ve run from me back then!  I was so lost, confused, sad, and unsaved, really, to be totally honest.  Even though I was in Bible school, I was living a complete double life.  In my heart I loved the Lord, truly!  But I was still in that awkward transition between the world and the Kingdom of Heaven.  Some people have an immediate, dramatic conversion.  I delayed my crossing over entirely for years because of deep-rooted issues I had not resolved until this past year.  Francis saw me then…raw and real, bleeding still, though passionately desiring the life God offered.

Then, this year he caught a glimpse of the woman I’d become in his absence and since Bible school.  I remember for a couple of weeks I felt led by God to pray for the Lord’s perfect will to be restored to my life.  I didn’t even know what it meant.  Still don’t, entirely.  Around the same time, on a different subject, I thought, I felt to pray for God to open up Francis’s eyes.  I believe the Lord truly opened his eyes to the truth.  It was rather interesting to wake up to a 3 am phone call with him on the line, rather excited and shocked all at once, his words rushing out and spilling over each other as he explained how he’d come to see that we might possibly be meant for each other.  Then, there was the last phone call a few days later where he calmly and tenderly asks me to ‘just wait for 3 months and then we’ll talk about this further’ as he went away to seek the Lord’s perfect will for his life.  LoL.  Either way though, I’m glad the wait is nearly over.  Can I be totally honest and say now that the call is so close I worry a bit if a man would interfere with this amazing love and beautiful life I have with the Lord.  Well, at any rate…God knows best.

And…on another note entirely, I will never forget when the Lord asked me to step away from my job (working for Prasad’s company as a home health aide) and step into full-time ministry.  I looked around me to see who God was talking to…um…I was in the shower.  So, yeah, He was talking to me!  Exactly seven days later I shocked everyone, including myself, and resigned.  The bad seed stopped.  Praise God!  I began preparing for ministry by praying a lot! and seeking direction.  Krystal and I were praying together and soon she also was thrust into full-time ministry.  Soon, we united with Pastor Josephine and Fred as part of Bugingo Victory Ministries. 

Our team began meeting M-F for several hours to pray and plan.  Shortly thereafter we took our first team trip (excluding Fred due to a conflicting work schedule) to Port Saint Joe, Florida to support Christian Hedegaard, Josephine’s brother.  Sometime after we returned home we also began serving a weekly dinner to several homeless people downtown.  Now, we are believing God and planning on starting a church, as well as preparing and organizing a mission trip for a team from the U.S. to build a new orphanage building in Rwanda for Pastor Josephine’s children.  We are blessed to be productive for His Kingdom and glory!  Praise God!  All this, though, did not keep me completely busy during the day and I began to feel a shifting of my life again.  What next, Lord?!  I asked almost timidly.  I knew by then, God has me take these crazy, giant leaps of faith.  LoL, oh yes!  Here came another…

My children were removed from the Supernatural Academy at the mutual consent of the school and me.  God revealed to me that my children needed to be homeschooled.  WHAT?!  Hahahaha…seriously God, which public school should I enroll them in?!  (Panic ~ because I know He’s not changing His mind but I try to cover my ears.)  Gently, “No…they need you right now.”  (Peace)  Ahhhh…And now I have the blessing, honor, and extreme privilege of homeschooling my beautiful babies!  I LOVE IT!  I would have NEVER thought!  LoL. 

I wake up, have a nice big cup of coffee, spend some quality, alone time with the Lord, and cook a huge, delicious breakfast of eggs, bacon/sausage, pancakes, etc.  After our break’feast’, we all clean up and do chores, schoolwork, or take field trips, etc.  It’s incredible!  It’s God.  And I am the most blessed woman in the world.  I get to love them, teach them, watch them, enjoy them, lose my temper and patience with them, live in the best and worst situations with them, snuggle with them and grow with them.  It’s more than I ever asked for or desired and it’s so much better than doing anything else!

And God continues to provide… I LOVE THE LORD & I LOVE MY LIFE!

If there’s someone out there still reading this besides me…Lol, I’m sorry.  I never intended for this blog to be so long, but I really had a lot of catching up to do :)  This is more for me than for you, but if you found this interesting then that’s wonderful!

Keep checking back and I’ll keep ya updated on this wild and totally out of (my) control life which I’m living :)  For now, I’m going to sleep!  May God richly bless you!!!

On this Easter Eve, I am both excited and calm at the same time.  I am amazed at the goodness of God while humbled by His sacrifice. 

What is man, that you should love me, Lord?  Who am I?  Your child, by your grace. 

Thank you for loving me enough to send your son, Jesus.  Thank you for his birth, both a fulfilling of prophecy and an example of humility, and thank you for his life, lived in obedience with compassion.  Thank you that he was tempted, and therefore understands my struggle.  Thank you for his stripes, by which I was healed, for  his death and resurrection which made a way for me to love you, God.  Thank you that I’m a new creature in Christ and seated at the right hand of God in Christ Jesus, thank you I’m blessed with all spiritual blessings in Christ, that I have the mind of Christ and I know your voice and will not follow a stranger’s.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

The pattern reveals that without Christ, the rest means nothing.  That is, nothing worthwhile or beneficial.  His Word is alive!  God is drawing me near.  He is patient, long suffering.  Thank you, Lord!

Am I rambling?  Well, it IS 4 AM!

I just wanted to share some amazing things God is doing in my life right now…

I opened the mailbox today and pulled out a $66,000 check!  Oh, yes!  It’s two and a half weeks shy of the 1 year anniversary of Moma’s passing.  I was down to the last minute, moving next weekend.  Would I have to quit school for a season, pay the mortgage, and sue the insurance company?  No!  Because I prayed, believed in faith, and God came through!  The last minute thing is becoming a pattern here, Lord…

Also, yesterday I opened my mailbox and received…an acceptance letter to ORU!  This is just to the school, and not the nursing program.  I think I’ll go ahead and finish my pre-reqs there.  Why not?  I’m guessing any class would be better if taught by spirit filled teachers, right?  God is so amazing….seriously!  They said in my letter that they’re giving me $3000/yr and $12,000 total scholarship, off top.  I still have to apply for other scholarships.

But wait…there’s more!  No, seriously.  God is confirming so many things in my life.  Family and friends have come to me and to share what God has placed on their hearts, thereby confirming some things he’d placed on mine.  (Like the timeline until I move to Africa, job opportunities, etc)  As I draw near to him, and he shows himself more and more, I am left helpless and weak.  As I withdraw, he is exalted.  In myself, I can do nothing, but with Christ, I can do all things!  Thank you for your faithfulness, Lord!  Help me to rise up and reach out as I seek to love and edify others.  Help me to see people as you see them.

Thank you for this, the day we celebrate your raising Jesus from the dead, God!  May I never lose sight of the blood of the lamb.  May I run my race and keep my eyes focused on the Lord.  Praise You!

So, I had a friend ask some questions the other evening concerning friendship.  It’s like we feel guilty when we realize a relationship is not productive, for either party involved; and feel even worse when we want out.  All I can say is,

 “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” ~ II Cor 15:33

and

“I’ve faced dangers in the city, in the open country, on the sea, and from believers who turned out to be false friends.” ~ II Cor 11:26    ~Paul understood

Honestly, if no one is receiving edification or enjoyment out of your time spent together, or if one or both people leave with a negative aftertaste or in a worse mood…then why would either of you wish to continue on?

Some people change and move in different directions.  Sometimes, a person will begin to reveal her true self only after she feels comfortable in a relationship.  Maybe she has some issues.  Are you in a position to speak positive influence in her life and pray it for her as well?  Great, then mentor her.  If not, or if you feel stressed about it and no peace, stop.  It’s not worth your time, effort, and energy.  Let God be God, cut it loose, and He’ll find her help and you another, godly friend(s).  People are stonger than we give them credit for.  Humans are resiliant, they bounce back and adapt easily.

This seems to be an issue with many people now days.  I even had a brief separation from a good friend of mine for a period of 5 or 6 months.  I think we did a good job in communicating effectively and maturely.  The Holy Spirit had been preparing us, I think.  Anyway, when we came back together half a year later, God had worked on many things in both of our characters during the separation.  Things that we could not have dealt with effectively if we were friends.  (An example:  when one friend intends to stop smoking but can’t because his friends smoke, etc.)

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

As God would have it, we remain best friends to this day.  I’m glad we handled things with communication and maturity.

I pray you have peace, joy, happiness, and mutual respect in all your relationships!

WARNING:  The following writing contains fragments of thoughts which may not display suitable coherency for A type personalities or linear thinkers.

Having said that…

I’m 99% sure I will begin clinical nursing school in August!  There’s no way I can describe my feelings when I first realized there was actually a chance I could begin the program in the fall.  I am putting the final touches on the application, etc.  I take my NET (Nurse Entrance Test) on Jan. 3, so pray for me! LoL I’m actually going to buy the study guide, so….  Also, I have to get another TB test ~yippee!  Gotta love those needles.

Even now, I’m overwhelmed when I imagine the end of this journey.  (The end of the second leg of this journey :)  <<<<The end of the first leg was graduating from Victory Bible Institute/Victory World Missions Training Center….in 2007>>>>>  The third leg is obtaining my pilot license, possibly also a degree in aviation maintanence….but that’s a long time in school again so I’d rather God just supply me with a husband who has both already :)  Either way, I know I’m supposed to get at least a pilot’s license.  AND THE FOURTH LEG IS  R E L O C A T I N G   to Africa!

My mind, as usual, is all over the place.  (Nevermind that I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.)  First, I wonder, how long before we move to Africa?  How long will I work as an RN here in the states?  Should I go on to get my BSN?  When should I begin training for my pilot’s license, and which program should I pursue?  UGH!!!

~ ~ ~ s L o W    D o w N    b R a I n ~ ~ ~

Okay, so anyway, I’ve learned not to make a whole bunch of plans because they usually get all messed up by the Holy Spirit. LoL I’m still not sure why this knowledge doesn’t deter me.  Even now, I’m working out the answers to the aforementioned questions in my head.  Does it stop?!  Men don’t seem to have this problem as much, it seems.  I want very much to go relax in my ‘nothing box.’  (Gotta see the series by Mark Gungor to understand that one)

In the end, I have to give the credit to God because despite my best efforts to (unwittingly) thwart, or further delay, His plans for me, they are coming to pass.   Thank God for that!

Okay, I give up!  This is painful.  Nite :)

One more thing though, before I go.  I don’t know if I mentioned previously or not about my trip to Africa next year.  I had made it a point after mom died to not look for any trips, but instead, to consider and pray about opportunities that presented themselves to me.  I had several possibilities that I seriously considered, including:  South Africa next Sept. with Thrive Africa, Greece in July with school, and back to the Dominican Republic in March with Victory Christian Center.  Although the desire was present to participate in all of these trips, I had no peace. 

Finally, I believe I have found the trip that is right for me.  A medical trip to Egypt, North Africa, towards the end of July/beginning of August.  This trip includes the basics of what God has placed on my heart which is ministering through medicine to Muslims in North Africa.  So far I have peace, and the dates seem like they will coincide perfectly between the end of my summer semester and beginning of nursing school.  I hope this is the one!

More to come…

One of my favorite movies is 13 Going on 30.  It occurred to me out of the blue one day that I am not getting younger.  (At the time this thought smacked me upside my head I was a month or two shy of 29.)  I have been living fast all my life and I think it’s finally time to slow down and breathe. 

Maybe Moma’s unexpected passing finally snapped something inside of me but I cannot remain the same.  I must make this the year of the butterfly.  I need to go into my cocoon and sweat; sweat out impurities, sweat out baggage, sweat out the past, regrets and just plain sweat physically as I get myself in shape.  Then re-emerge as the magnificent, beautiful creation God intended I would become.

I figure if I don’t get myself in order this year then I may never get it together.  I want to be “thirty, flirty and thriving!”  Maybe a little less flirty…LoL.  Anyhoo, this should be an interesting journey :)

To ABUNDANT LIFE!