(I began this post June 27, 2009)
After dipping my toes in and dangling my feet over the edge and into the water for years, I now feel I’m in over my head. In reality, I know that I am just getting my feet wet. I have entered into the river and so I am relieved, excited, hopeful and frightened all at once. At the risk of overgeneralization, I would like to expound.
May 25, 2009 was truly a Memorial Day for me. I became extremely agitated and overwhelmed, frustrated and disgusted with the confusion and chaos shrouding my mind and slowly destroying my life that finally, out of righteous anger, I declared myself free from any and all residual strongholds and entaglements that had managed, thus far, to linger on inside my soul. (Whew! ~ That was most likely a HUGE run-on, but I’m just sayin…!) I put my tongue to work that night and declared my destiny, though I had no idea, really, what I had done. I thought I was only venting…I should have known better. I was absolutely furious! I yelled and told the devil just what I thought of him and exactly what I would no longer tolerate. I stomped my feet and pounded my fist on the table that night as I shouted, and…I MEANT EVERY WORD!
*** continued writing 10/5/09 ***
July 31, 2009 was Day 1. I began my new life. At long last, a life of true freedom. Later, the wisdom and insight of a good friend connected the two dates together and revealed to me that it was my earlier declaration which had truly freed me. Thank you, Jesus! How does it feel to be free? It feels exhilarating and exciting and empowering! The Holy Spirit whispered to me…”Purity = Power.” Yes it does!
It is only by the grace of God that I am able to maintain my purity. Of course, I am not perfect and when I begin to stumble He is always there to catch me and keep me from falling. There have been moments I felt enticed to compromise or throw away my integrity and purity…I had to cling to Jesus and, like Joseph, FLEE from the temptation. And there have also been a couple times when I attempted to abandon my reason and fling aside God’s guidance in order to pursue my fleshly desire. This is precisely where His saving grace comes onto the scene! Thank you, Lord, that you saved me from myself before I could ruin the good work you are continuing in me! He is always, always faithful!
Now, these things I’m referring to…the temptations and enticements…they aren’t really big anymore. The enemy can’t come at me with major things as much as he could before. They were mostly tiny, small, seemingly inconspicous things that some may have not taken the time to even think twice about. This is exactly where the devil does his crafty work, in the minute details. His favorite line is, “It doesn’t matter; it’s no big deal.” HA ~ LIAR! Don’t fall for his cheap lies. He wants to get you to compromise with the small things so you will slowly numb your conscience and not care when it comes time to swallow his bigger schemes. Plus he’d like to keep your family in bondage for each time you choose compromise. How about that?! He doesn’t play fair; he’ll pick on your kids if you don’t bite his bait.
Anyway, enough about our defeated foe. Back to God! He is so glorious…so faithful! Everyday is a new gift straight from God. I choose to use my time wisely, serving Him by loving and serving others. Each day I choose to stand firm is another chord added to the overall strength in my belt of truth. The joy of the Lord is my strength! And oh! I thank Him for the joy within me that enables me to continue on in love and truth, pursuing His will for my life.
I have successfully entered the Jordan! “Fear not!” But I forgot to be afraid because I’m in love with my Savior and my eyes are fixed on Him alone! I will come out on the other side! I will also come out a much stronger woman of God, by His grace and mercy!
There has been so much happening in my life these past several months, I can’t touch on all of it here. In a nutshell: #1 didn’t go to The Gambia, didn’t raise the $, still owe $2000 for the ticket, which I can use in the future :( #2 dropped everything! school, boyfriend, dreams, plans, desires, etc. at the request of the Lord (some of these things I honestly felt I was doing because they were God’s will for me), nope!, He realigned EVERYTHING #3 He did a miraculous healing and restoration in me! It was really a supernatural experience! #4 He replaced my desires and godly ambitions with His desires for me, for example, I was not an intercessor! but now it’s my passion! #5 In the midst of everything, I received a very interesting 3 AM phone call which I will discuss more in depth in the future. Suffice it to say that those things we put on the shelf because they didn’t seem to happen as God said they would…they will come off of the shelf in God’s perfect time, much to our amazement!
To bring things into the real world. I’ve recently also left my job and stepped out into full time ministry. (Watching the faithfulness of God and Him providing for our every need is incredible!) My good friend and fellow VWMTC graduate, Krystal, and I are beginning a new ministry, Chapter 8 Ministries, and working on opening a 24/7 prayer room in Tulsa called ‘The Upper Room.’ Also, the Lord has been impressing upon me to write and record in my solitude. There are actually many projects He has given me, along with other people, and this is just an extremely exciting and interesting time in my life! I am definitely enjoying the journey!!!
I don’t know how this will sound. I wonder if I’ve rambled. At any rate, there it is…the truth. And to God alone be all the glory and honor!
Until next time…may His grace and peace be unto you and yours!
